As he recalls the restrictions of his years at Clongowes and Belvedere, his body seems instinctively to revolt against thoughts of living for the rest of his life in a confined community. The director's somber warning to consider the seriousness of "the call" ends the meeting, and they part with a handshake and an agreement to pray about Stephen's decision.Īfterward, Stephen considers the grim realities of the clerical life and the truth about his apparent inability to control troubling, emotional urges which continue to surface. Stephen confesses to the director that he has considered becoming a priest, and almost immediately, he begins to fantasize about the power he would possess if he were to join the clergy. During the meeting, Stephen is puzzled the director's tone reveals an almost flippant worldliness, and Stephen also discerns obvious attempts at manipulation.
He searches for a sign that his "confession good," then realizes with astonishment that the "surest sign" of a good confession is this fact: "I have amended my life, have I not?"Ĭoincidentally, the director of the school has taken notice of Stephen's fervent piety and invites him to his office to discuss the possibility of a religious vocation for Stephen. He wonders whether his hasty confession to the Capuchin was genuine or merely a reaction to Father Arnall's orchestration of terror. He begins to doubt the condition of his soul, and he fears that his soul might already have "fallen," without his knowledge. In time, however, old feelings - anger, willfulness, and desire - begin to creep under this new, amended facade.
He wakes early, endures the raw morning wind on his way to Mass, observes all Church-sanctioned fasts, and even attempts to sleep without movement in order to bring each of his senses under this new, harsh discipline.Īs a result, Stephen begins to feel awe for the "august incomprehensibility" of the Trinity he is similarly overwhelmed by his present state of grace and by the love which he believes God has for his soul. "Each of his senses was brought under a rigorous discipline" (emphasis ours). In order to prove the sincerity of his renewed dedication to God, Stephen begins a series of mortifications of the flesh, trying his best to undo his sins of the past. Every day he attends early Mass, says rosaries on the beads which he carries in his trouser pockets, offers up supplications to remit the sins of those in Purgatory, and prays daily to be purged of the seven deadly sins. The chapter opens with Stephen's dedicating himself to a life of "resolute piety," vowing to adhere rigidly to the rituals of the Catholic faith.
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